Author: kmanning251

Tuesday 2/14/17

Today I hated Crossfit. Most days I like it Some days I love it. Today, I hated it. It was an EMOM which I like. But it was chest to bar, pull ups, over-head lunges and double unders. Two of those four things I can’t do.

If I could have recorded the conversation in my head during the workout, it would have gone something like this. “Jesus Christ I’m already spent.” This is why you don’t take 4 days off asshole.” “Why did I eat all that shit during the snow days?” Look at Lacey and Laura, they’re doing so great.” “Oh my God, I have zero upper body strength, for real, zero.” ” When I was putting in time on my grip strength it really made a difference. I have to do that again.” “Fuck is he looking at me? I know he’s shaking his head.” “Why is everything SO hard today?”

There was probably more swearing in my head than I actually wrote, but you get the picture. As I drove home I did the whole positive speech…”you could have been home sleeping, at least you tried, you burned some calories…blah, blah, blah.

The truth is, everything I was thinking, both positive and negative is true. When I started CF I had never even touched a barbell before. So, for the love of God, I have to be better than I was. But…I’m still not as good as I should be for having done this for 3 years.

One of my goals for 2017 is about pushing out of my comfort zone. Another is being better at commitment and doing what it takes to make me happy. And yet another is being kinder to myself. So how do all of these play into today? I’m not sure. So I decided to write it all down and then let it go. Tomorrow is another day. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll love it again?

#crossit #tryharder #bekindtoyourself #craic #fitness

Sunday 2/12/17

I’m a touch-er Not a creepy grab your junk touch-er, but a touch-er none the less. I talk with my hands and I very often touch people as I talk. Especially if I’m laughing or joking. It’s a habit I’ve had for as long as I can remember. I have no idea how it started, and I usually don’t even realize I’m doing it. I’m also a huge fan of hugging, hello, good-bye, I’m sorry, thank you, great job, what ever the reason, a hug usually works.

However, I am becoming more aware of my touching because as it turns out….some people don’t like to be touched? It truly never occurred to me that my touching someone’s arm or back would in some way make them uncomfortable.

If I have touched you and it was uncomfortable for you, rest assured I wasn’t hitting on you, or being creepy. It’s just a habit of mine, like biting your nails or cracking your knuckles. 🙂

But….I’m really curious….Are you a touch-er? Does it bother you if someone touches you? I need some data….

Monday 2/6/17

We all know the rule. If you don’t have something nice to say, shut the hell up. I shared a post on FB today from a page I follow. It was about how there was a lot of body shaming toward Lady Gaga after her Super Bowl performance. People were posting that her stomach wasn’t totally flat and she  had some rolls.

The woman has always been a loud, positive voice for acceptance and equality. She put on an amazing show. She danced, did gymnastics, dangled from the ceiling, and dove off the stage, all while singing.  But some how people were talking about her stomach?? I don’t understand.

This bothered me, a lot. The obvious reasons of body image, and gender bias aside….it’s just mean. What kind of person sits at home hiding behind their computer and feels it’s ok to publicly judge some one else? To comment on their physical appearance? If you didn’t like her performance. You get an opinion. That’s what she does for a living. If you don’t like her stomach….shut the hell up and mind your own business!

I would be fascinated to see what these haters look like.

#lovegaga  #bodyimage  #fitness  #bekind  #bodyshaming ` #mindyourownbusiness

Friday 2/3/17

I realized in one of my posts last week I wrote that I had push pressed 178 pounds!!! It was actually a push jerk and it was 78 pounds, not 178. I’m laughing writing this because anyone who knows me or anything about lifting would have known that was a typo. HaHa. The 78  was really heavy for me.  I’m shocked no one called me on it. 🙂

So…… going forward if I post any weights you can assume they are accurate….give or take the standard error margin of a  hundred pounds. 😉  😉  😉

Sunday 2/5/17

I love the Super Bowl.

Not because I’m a big football fan. I actually don’t really understand football. But I love all the traditions and excitement that go along with the Super Bowl. There’s the food, the commercials, the possibility of winning money and there’s the party. Super Bowl is the party where it’s just your A-team. The party where you can go in your sweats and sweatshirt. The party where people are all sitting on the floor yelling at the tv. The party where you don’t want to be the guy who gets up to go to the bathroom because everyone will yell their order….get me another beer, grab me some chilli. And chances are you will have lost your seat. It’s the party where the kids hang out too, and you see them laughing when the guys start talking trash and making fun of each other. It’s the ultimate Sunday fun day. Everyone is all in.

I told my class if the Patriots win, we have no homework all next week. They went crazy. 🙂

#patriots   #bestteacher   #7-7   #12   #wingsandchilli

 

 

Wednesday 2/1/17

I’ve been having a lot of reflux and digestive issues, so today I was at the doctor’s.

You know when you know something is true, but you’ve some how managed to make it be different in your head. And then  something happens where you have to face it..Example… I know I’ve gained wt. but when I got weighed today, I was 7 pounds heavier than when I was pregnant! wtf???? (I can’t believe I just wrote that for anyone to see). I just stood there staring at it. It was actually hard to process.

I’m very envious of people who are truly at peace with their bodies, big, small, thick, thin, boobs, no boobs. If you are comfortable in your skin that is a huge accomplishment.I try, I said try, to talk nicely to myself. I try to appreciate that my body is healthy and strong and enables me to do anything I want to do. I try to tell myself that if I feel my body is too big right now then I have the power to do something about it. I try to focus on what I think are my positives. I like my hair. I like my eyes. I like my boobs. I actually have a pretty high confidence level. I’m just tired of thinking about wt all the time.

Today was my wake up call. I know, for me, I feel better when I put more effort into doing what I know is good for my body. I dug out all my old notes and set some measurable goals. (I already broke a lot of these bad behaviors back in June) It’s amazing what you can fuck up in 7 months! I have 17 weeks till Memorial Day. That’s my first goal date.

Believe it or not….there was a time when my family was worried about me because I was way too thin. No one’s been worrying about that lately.

#weightloss #fitness #diet #selfimage #loveyourself #itsajourney #crossfit

 

My day started off  great today. I dragged myself out of bed in the windy, rain storm and went to the gym. I pushed myself and got to 173# on my push presses. I felt sore and sweaty and Good when I left. Jarrod even said my push press today was the most athletic thing he’s ever seen me do. … It took four years, but today I looked athletic. I left feeling good.

I had my healthy breakfast and lunch made. I was already two bottles of water in…all was good. Then I realized, as I got to work, I had forgotten my breakfast! It was now 8:45. I hadn’t eaten since 6:30 last night, I worked out and I was starving! The emergency protein bar I keep in my desk was gone. (Apparently there had already been an emergency recently). I ate my Skinny Pop which I knew wouldn’t fill me, so…. I had a Diet Coke.

I get it, it’s a Diet Coke not an 8 ball. But…at 8:45 I had one, you know, just to help fill me up since I forgot my breakfast (I know!!!) By 12:30… I had drank 3 cans. You get the picture. This mentally makes me so pissed at myself because I KNOW what it does. It makes me feel bloated, hungry, and hyper. It makes me crave carbs and never feel full. I FEEL BETTER when I don’t drink it. So it begs the question, why the hell did I have not one, not two, but three cans?! That’s just gross.

The answer??? Habit. Going back to not being afraid. I need to not be afraid of being hungry. It sounds weird, but it was freaking me out a little that I couldn’t have my egg whites w/tomatoes, turkey bacon and water. So instead of just eating the fruit I had w/ me, and being a little hungry  till lunch. I reverted to an old habit, like I was on Survivor and I wasn’t sure when I’d eat again.

I’m really focusing on my emotions lately. One aspect of that is how my emotions effect my relationship w/, and my choices about food.

*Lunch, breakfast and emergency protein bar are packed*

Mom made homemade dinner for all of us tonight since Jake was going back to school. This doesn’t happen often. She’s not really into cooking….(any one who knows me is now nodding their head saying Ohhhh, that makes sense. Apple/Tree thing. Anyway, it turned out to be one of those great nights where everyone is relaxed and laughing and no one was annoyed or stressed. Just hanging out telling stories and making fun of each other. And really enjoying each other’s company. I’ve learned to pay attention to these times cause they don’t always play out this way and you never know when life may change. Making memories, even just a family dinner, are important, especially for the kids with their nana.

Family….My mom, my younger sister and me. I love my family. I like my family. And sometimes my family drives me crazy. The good news is, it’s just the 3 of us and we’re really close and the bad news is, it’s just the 3 of us and we’re really close. 😉

I’m actually incredibly lucky and blessed to have them. Since I was 18 years old it’s been just us. We have always supported, laughed, cried, and loved each other thru the good, the bad and the ugly.

But like everyone, well I’m assuming everyone. Maybe I’m wrong. Sometimes the family “thing” what ever it may be, sounds good in theory and 12 minutes in you’re ready to call it a day. I was assuming Thursday night would be one of those times. Mom was making dinner for all of us before Jake left for school. I had already been out 2 nights this week. I was tired and really just wanted to go to mobility class, take a shower and go to bed. But off to Walpole I went…..

Glad I was wrong…..

Full disclosure….I’ve never been punched in the face. I’ve actually, thankfully, never been punched at all. But this sentence has stuck with me for a couple of weeks now. Back story—- I work out at Crossfit Craic in Dedham/Westwood. I love it, mostly because it is full of great people and coaches that I adore. One of said coaches said the above sentence in reference to that day’s workout. It was going to be a tough one and he was basically saying suck it up and stick with it. It’s suppose to be hard.

I realized that day that that’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of stuff being too hard. I afraid of getting to a point where I can’t do any more, where I honestly can’t finish. During the workout ( AD :45/ 12 shoulder to overhead @ 60#/ and 10 burpees..x4) as the rounds went on I did less. I did 10 S2O not 12, 8 burpees not 10 etc.

But what I should have done is get punched in the face. Do everything. Go as hard as I could and do my best. Even if it means not finishing or doing 3 rounds instead of 4. I was mad at myself, not because of my score, but because I decided what I could and couldn’t do before I even tried. Stop being fucking afraid….who cares! Get punched in the face.

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