My day started off great today. I dragged myself out of bed in the windy, rain storm and went to the gym. I pushed myself and got to 173# on my push presses. I felt sore and sweaty and Good when I left. Jarrod even said my push press today was the most athletic thing he’s ever seen me do. … It took four years, but today I looked athletic. I left feeling good.
I had my healthy breakfast and lunch made. I was already two bottles of water in…all was good. Then I realized, as I got to work, I had forgotten my breakfast! It was now 8:45. I hadn’t eaten since 6:30 last night, I worked out and I was starving! The emergency protein bar I keep in my desk was gone. (Apparently there had already been an emergency recently). I ate my Skinny Pop which I knew wouldn’t fill me, so…. I had a Diet Coke.
I get it, it’s a Diet Coke not an 8 ball. But…at 8:45 I had one, you know, just to help fill me up since I forgot my breakfast (I know!!!) By 12:30… I had drank 3 cans. You get the picture. This mentally makes me so pissed at myself because I KNOW what it does. It makes me feel bloated, hungry, and hyper. It makes me crave carbs and never feel full. I FEEL BETTER when I don’t drink it. So it begs the question, why the hell did I have not one, not two, but three cans?! That’s just gross.
The answer??? Habit. Going back to not being afraid. I need to not be afraid of being hungry. It sounds weird, but it was freaking me out a little that I couldn’t have my egg whites w/tomatoes, turkey bacon and water. So instead of just eating the fruit I had w/ me, and being a little hungry till lunch. I reverted to an old habit, like I was on Survivor and I wasn’t sure when I’d eat again.
I’m really focusing on my emotions lately. One aspect of that is how my emotions effect my relationship w/, and my choices about food.
*Lunch, breakfast and emergency protein bar are packed*
Thinking Out Loud 